I used to think that everybody was finding me ridiculous. Innapropriate, incompetent, insecure,stupid, immature, yada yada yada. So everybody thought these terrible things about me. And when folks happened to give me contrary evidence, some positive feedback, say, or appreciation of some kind, I just thought they did not see the real me. Because if they had seen the real me, they would find me ridiculous etc. I managed to fool them (just so that I could add dishonest to my list). There is an obvious problem with this mindset: what I thought about what other people thought was irrefutable. If someone sent...
Monthly Archives: February 2012
Understanding the influence of our past
I can’t count the number of times I heard, or read: « I really don’t know why I am so depressed / anxious / in pain ; I was raised by a loving, ordinary family and nothing terrible ever happened to me; the problem is just me”. Or another slightly different version “ I really don’t know why I am so depressed / anxious / in pain; I know my father had quite a temper (read he was physically abusive), or people in my family really knew how to party (read I was brought up in an alcoholic environment),...
Daydreaming
As a little girl, I used to spend hours daydreaming. Then I just naturally carried on into adulthood. I dreamed about the boy I was in love with, and how he would just adore me someday. I dreamed about the wonderful career I would have, and how everybody would (oh so much) admire me.I dreamed about how fit and beautiful I would be. I was spending several hours a day daydreaming. I have no idea if this is unusual or not, because nobody talks about it. But I eventually grew tired of it. Two things happened. First, I started...
Undoing Depression
As Richard O’Connor states, you won’t find many people with his experience, both personal and professional. He witnessed his mother’s depression, who ended her life when he was still a child. Understandably, he went on to suffer from depression as well. He chose a mental health profession, allowing him to treat and see many other depressives. In short, he really knows what he is talking about, and it shows in this brilliant and compassionate book. Undoing depression will help you in many ways: Understanding what depression is, and what its countless consequences are: What I particularly like is the comprehensiveness...
Relationship Red Flags
Did you go through relationship failures ? If we live on the same planet, you probably did. Did you see, in hindsight, that there were obvious problems from the start ? I’m guilty of this as well. Did it help for other relationships? As far as I’m concerned, not really, because the red flag was different for each story (sight). After considerable analysis though, I understood there was a particular red flag always present in each failed attempt, besides the obvious not Available / Abusive / Addicted (my own personal AAA, also known as “Run!”). This one is not obvious, so we don’t...
Gratitude works
Do you tend to see events in your life on the dark side? If your friend did not call, it’s because he hates you (and not because he plans to call tomorrow). If you have no job, it’s because your skills are not good enough (and not because we are in the middle of an economic crisis). If you don’t speak a second language, it’s because you are stupid (and not because you never actually learned another language). This type of unverified, negative interpretation of events is a hallmark of depression. It’s sad, because it is a consequence of being unwell,...
Your body knows what you are feeling
Sometimes we don’t know what we are feeling. We kind of know we should be feeling something but we don’t. Or we never feel anything special. Or there is one emotion that is strangely missing from our repertoire. In short, we are emotionnally challenged. I know what it feels like to be cut off from one’s emotions. In my case, it amounted to seeing life passing me by without my active participation. I hated it. But I still couldn’t feel much. I tried to think my way into feelings, as if I could concoct them from the only place inside...