I used to think that everybody was finding me ridiculous. Innapropriate, incompetent, insecure,stupid, immature, yada yada yada. So everybody thought these terrible things about me. And when folks happened to give me contrary evidence, some positive feedback, say, or appreciation of some kind, I just thought they did not see the real me. Because if they had seen the real me, they would find me ridiculous etc. I managed to fool them (just so that I could add dishonest to my list). There is an obvious problem with this mindset: what I thought about what other people thought was irrefutable. If someone sent...
Recovery tools
Gratitude works
Do you tend to see events in your life on the dark side? If your friend did not call, it’s because he hates you (and not because he plans to call tomorrow). If you have no job, it’s because your skills are not good enough (and not because we are in the middle of an economic crisis). If you don’t speak a second language, it’s because you are stupid (and not because you never actually learned another language). This type of unverified, negative interpretation of events is a hallmark of depression. It’s sad, because it is a consequence of being unwell,...
Your body knows what you are feeling
Sometimes we don’t know what we are feeling. We kind of know we should be feeling something but we don’t. Or we never feel anything special. Or there is one emotion that is strangely missing from our repertoire. In short, we are emotionnally challenged. I know what it feels like to be cut off from one’s emotions. In my case, it amounted to seeing life passing me by without my active participation. I hated it. But I still couldn’t feel much. I tried to think my way into feelings, as if I could concoct them from the only place inside...
Use Projection as a tool for growth
I came across this fabulous post of Martha Beck about projection. I particularly like the hilarious story with her babysitter (even though I’m slightly worried for her kids, hope they are ok…) Projection is the tendency we all have, to varying degrees, to use other people like blank screens so that we can deflect our own issues onto them . We do this when we have difficulties integrating a feeling or an personal issue we are experiencing . So the feeling or the issue is here, nagging us, but we don’t want them to be ours; we can’t accept...
How to be present in your life
I’m currently reading Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, the latest book from Martha Beck. The author explains how most of us are litterally trapped in our head. We tell endless stories about ourselves, others, and the world, in the privacy of our own mind. Sometimes, these stories are not even true. We are very far from reality, stuck in a dream (or a nightmare). Sometimes, we are closer to the truth, but while we are busy obsessing about how awful a particular incident was (or how unfair, or whatever), we don’t even see the amazing event...
Depression and anxiety magic medication
I resisted exercise for a long time. Nobody around me was exercising. I did not have time. Exercise was boring and difficult. It triggered unpleasant high school memories. I was enduring exercise then. I certainly did not want it as part of my life. Since then, life happened, without exercise for the most part. The result has been that at 40 I started to feel really uneasy with my body. I was not even fat, but just, well, gelatinous. So I gathered all my willpower, bought some good shoes, and hit the road. It has been hard. Since I was...
I want to feel better
The festive season is a time for celebration, love, family gatherings, and sharing mountains of food we later regret. I am no exception. Especially for the food part. Christmas is also the moment of the year I chose to see my father. He abused me for most of my childhood, ignored me since I’m grown up. Each reunion teaches me the profound sense of the word “ambivalence”: I feel a mixture of love, pity, anger, fear, and flat out revulsion. I know the guy is insane, and that it’s probably not his fault. But it does not change my...
Good self help books do help
Pretty early, I realized I was not feeling well. Something was wrong with me, but I had no clue what it was. I had this fantasy that things would sort themselves out (and by things, I mean me), when I would have a good partner, a good job, friends, some money, and interesting adventures. I worded hard to obtain all these things, and being the obstinate person that I am, I did. Problem was: I was not feeling any better. In fact, I remember feeling life was being painful and difficult, even though everything was ok from the outside. ...