For us boundary-challenged people, children are great teachers. In fact, if you can master boundary setting with the little people, you can pretty much manage with anybody, outside the psychiatric ward that is. Children have this one thing in common: they test limits with their caregivers. That’s just the way they are. And if you think about it, that’s the way you were as well, provided you had a reasonably healthy childhood. Unfortunately I don’t have the magical solution to set limits with efficiency and grace – especially the grace part. What I do have though is basic instructions that will...
Posts Tagged ‘ Boundaries ’
How to say no
Boundaries. For years, I read about it. For years, I though I understood the idea. Yeah sure, boundaries are where I finish and you begin. I’m not so screwed up that I don’t know what my limits are, I thought, give me a break. What I was understanding was only the theoretical idea. But as it appeared painfully later, I had no clue what boundaries were, emotionally. I remember when I really understood, at gut level. At about the same time, I realized I had none. I was scared, and angry. I remember asking my therapist: “Why don’t we learn...
The New Codependency – Melody Beattie
I have always been a fan of Melody Beattie’s work, and I have benefited enormously from it since the old days of Codependent No More. I don’t understand why I bought the book in the first place; it seemed to be tackling the issues of people who were involved with addicts. God knows I had issues of my own, but not this one: I have never fallen in love with someone addicted. I nevertheless recognized myself in the description of the Codependent. There were so many similarities: not being able to take care of myself, obsessing about other people, taking care of everyone’s needs...