Sometimes we don’t know what we are feeling. We kind of know we should be feeling something but we don’t. Or we never feel anything special. Or there is one emotion that is strangely missing from our repertoire. In short, we are emotionnally challenged. I know what it feels like to be cut off from one’s emotions. In my case, it amounted to seeing life passing me by without my active participation. I hated it. But I still couldn’t feel much. I tried to think my way into feelings, as if I could concoct them from the only place inside...
Posts Tagged ‘ Emotions ’
Use Projection as a tool for growth
I came across this fabulous post of Martha Beck about projection. I particularly like the hilarious story with her babysitter (even though I’m slightly worried for her kids, hope they are ok…) Projection is the tendency we all have, to varying degrees, to use other people like blank screens so that we can deflect our own issues onto them . We do this when we have difficulties integrating a feeling or an personal issue we are experiencing . So the feeling or the issue is here, nagging us, but we don’t want them to be ours; we can’t accept...
How to be present in your life
I’m currently reading Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, the latest book from Martha Beck. The author explains how most of us are litterally trapped in our head. We tell endless stories about ourselves, others, and the world, in the privacy of our own mind. Sometimes, these stories are not even true. We are very far from reality, stuck in a dream (or a nightmare). Sometimes, we are closer to the truth, but while we are busy obsessing about how awful a particular incident was (or how unfair, or whatever), we don’t even see the amazing event...
Emotions are your best friends
For a long time, I could not understand why I should be more connected to my emotions. I really had too much of these already. My emotions were mistreating me. Emotions were only causing problems in my life. I missed trains and planes because of panic. Often in relationships I was awkward to the point of looking silly, because I was overcome by anxiety. My loving feelings were invariably taking me to someone who would either ignore me or treat me badly (I could then wallow in useless despair). I was easily feeling ridiculous or stupid, overwhelmed by shame. My emotions we so...
The power of denial
I met Liz when I was attending university. We were going to the same courses and living in the same building. We both ended up elected at the board of students and did a lot of work there together. So naturally, we became close friends. This friendship has lasted ever since, over the course of twenty years and innumerable moves for us both – between the two of us, we lived in 9 different countries. When I met her, she came across as a very sweet person, never expressing anger. She was describing herself as easy-going and lacking assertiveness....
Shame is your enemy
I don’t remember when I first read “shame based personnality”, but I recognized it instantly: hell, it was me. Shame was my constant companion. I was always feeling it, about one thing or the other. Being late brought shame. Being early triggered shame as well. Doing something badly brought shame (you cannot get anything right type of shame), doing it well brought shame (who do you think your are type of shame). Wanting attention brought shame, but acting withdrawn as well. My desires and wants were shameful by definition. Even falling in love triggered shame. Oh God it was...