Did you go through relationship failures ? If we live on the same planet, you probably did. Did you see, in hindsight, that there were obvious problems from the start ? I’m guilty of this as well. Did it help for other relationships? As far as I’m concerned, not really, because the red flag was different for each story (sight). After considerable analysis though, I understood there was a particular red flag always present in each failed attempt, besides the obvious not Available / Abusive / Addicted (my own personal AAA, also known as “Run!”). This one is not obvious, so we don’t...
Posts Tagged ‘ Relationships ’
Who are you, Dr Jekyll ?
My first encounter with the idea of a social self, in a way I could comprehend at least, took place while reading Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live, from Martha Beck. It hit me like a revelation. So this was the part of me who was always agreeing to everything, who was writing endless to-do lists, who was desperately trying to conform to whatever was expected from me, who hated disagreements and conflicts. Nice to meet you social self, my name is Lauren, what the hell are you doing in my head? ...
Three signs you need therapy
One day a friend of mine, let’s call him Dave, initiated a discussion around the decision to get into therapy. Dave knew I was seeing a therapist, and he was trying to understand if he needed to go. I knew Dave well, and for a long time. My (silent) thinking went like this: “Of course you need therapy, probably lots of it. I don’t even understand how you can ask yourself this question”. I did not find it wise to voice my thoughts though. What I told him instead was to look for any sign of the dark triad in his...
Families and how to survive them
This book has been a favorite of mine for more than a decade. So much so that when I realized I had lost it, I bought it again. It now resides safely in my kindle, this time immune to a future move. Families and how to survive them has been written in a dialogue form between a shrink (Robin Skynner), and an actor (John Cleese, yes the Monthy Python one). It’s mainly about, well, families. From how – and why – people fall in love, to how love relationships work – or not -, and what happens when the children...
The power of denial
I met Liz when I was attending university. We were going to the same courses and living in the same building. We both ended up elected at the board of students and did a lot of work there together. So naturally, we became close friends. This friendship has lasted ever since, over the course of twenty years and innumerable moves for us both – between the two of us, we lived in 9 different countries. When I met her, she came across as a very sweet person, never expressing anger. She was describing herself as easy-going and lacking assertiveness....
Declare your emotional independence
“Really, what would you do without me!!”, he said jokingly after fixing something in the house. Usually, I would have rolled my eyes and answer ” you know, I probably would be a bag lady by now!”. And we would have laughed at the apparent silliness of this conversation. Such a great relationship, such a sense of humor. Ha ha. This time, to my horror, I understood he meant it. This man was convinced I would have difficulties organizing my life without him. I thought about the fact that we were both working full-time and contributing the same amount to the...